Tips for Avoiding Procrastination PT2

Now, you have managed to get to work in time for the first time in a long while due to the first awesome step! Your managers are happy with you (for the first time ever it feels like) and you’ve had the best shift ever! So with this elation in mind, we must turn our attention to going to the gym. But we all do it don’t we? We all go home to change our clothing and have a drink before we head out to the gym. We all sit in that snug sofa and all the work euphoria goes out the window. Why bother? We think, There’s always tomorrow. We can go then!

DON’T!

In fact, don’t even go home after work, head straight to the gym! Ride the waves of accomplishment and strut your way into the gym giving off that aura of dominance and if anyone is going to be using that piece of equipment it is going to be you! and pound out those sets like the man (or woman) beast that you are!

“But,” I hear you say, “I can’t do that, I don’t have my gym stuff with me when I go to work! I can’t work out in my suit, it’ll get ruined!”

Worry not my dear friends, I have the answer. Allow your other procrastinations to aid you overcome this one! You know those times where you’ve taken a bit of clothing out with you, that just in case I need it piece? Then you look at it on the back seat of the car or in the bottom of the bag and think, I should really take it out… Leave it! So it may get a bit mildew eaten, or a packet of biscuits may break open and spill all over it, who cares? You’re going to sweat into it anyway! Then when you head into the gym after your euphoric day at work, then you have the clothes already in the car or bag ready to rock and roll and rejoice in the awesome change that has come into your life thanks to these tips and your rigorous effort!

The third tip… Well, I’ll get to that later…

Note: No animals, size zero clothing wearers or packets of biscuits were harmed in the development of these tips. For more information go to http://www.illgettothislater.com or contact your local Procrastination Avoidance Sponsor.

Tips for Avoiding Procrastination PT1

Okay, so here are my top three tips for avoiding the dreaded procrastination and because it can affect every aspect of our lives, I’m going to focus mainly in on getting up for work and going to the gym because none of us want to get fired and as people keep telling me “it’s only 111 days to Christmas!” (sadly, there is also a website for a to the second countdown as well…http://www.xmasclock.com/ ….) and six days after that we all begin the New Year’s Resolution to lose the Christmas fat… which has built upon last year’s and the year before that…

You get the point.

So you’re suffering with the Monday morning blues when your alarm starts blaring at you from your bedside table? Or if you’re really mean, or the man of the household has to have the clock his side of the bed (just saying) and you have to nudge your other half to get him to hit the snooze the alarm for that extra five minutes. DON’T! I’m not saying just let it bleat, because you have neighbours and the council are looking to fine anyone for anything nowadays and you can rest assured that there is an “Alarm Disturbance” bill in the pipeline somewhere in one Council’s filing tray.

My tip is to move the alarm across to the other side of the room. Or casually manoeuvre your man into thinking that it was his idea to put the clock there so that he can claim it as his big idea for the week. Now you have to get up to turn off the alarm, or suffer the consequences of that proposed bill!

“But,” I hear you say, “I’ve tried that before and just flumped myself back into bed after. It doesn’t work!”

Fear not dear reader, the answer is at hand. Make sure that your bed is on a spring pulley system, so that when you get up to turn off the alarm, it springs into action by propelling itself up against the wall so that once you turn off the alarm, the temptation to dive back into those seductive covers dissipates and you can get on with your day! Although, I should warn you that small pets such as cats and partners who wear size zero clothing could find themselves catapulted into the wall, so care should be taken if you own such things.

Making an Impression

It is often the trouble when you try to think of something to make a really good first impression that your mind betrays you and leaves you flabbergasted and, in the immense public theater, embarrassed. We normally experience this as children as we approach the person we like for the first time. Your mouth suddenly makes the Sahara Desert look like a seaside resort even though your forehead is pouring sweat faster than the Niagara Falls discards water. Your hands tremble as if there is a sudden 8.5 richter scale earthquake centered in your wrists and as you try to grasp the crudely made present that you had just finished in arts and crafts, after three painstaking lessons to make something that looked slightly better than a turd shat out of a dog’s arse, your fingers fumble with the single button that holds the pouch closed as if it was a button reincarnation of the enigma code. Then we move onto the partner themselves, in my case a woman, who is daunting, scary and mysterious all at the same time. I can honestly and shamefacedly admit that close to 30 years of age, I have no clue whatsoever as to how to date someone. This is not to say that I am on route to being an actual 40 year old virgin, that boat sailed long ago, however I’ve never needed to, or maybe it’s closer to never been able to, do things the conventional way. I’ve never gone to a bar and chatted a bird up. The closest I came to pulling someone in a nightclub was when I was about 18 at a Halloween night where I thought the poor girl was bleeding due to the party makeup. The closest to conventional that I’ve ever come when it comes to “pulling” is “Do you do anything else apart from bitch?” and I don’t that really counts. Although, that relationship did last 7 years and include a beautiful daughter and a marriage shortly followed by a divorce so maybe it should…

All in all, it is safe to say that first impressions for me is a “you’re sunk before you’ve even left the harbour” scenario. When it comes to that actual first impression moment, my brain seriously fucks everything up, almost as if it’s intentional. “Let’s see if this person hangs around, “Hi, did I tell you the joke about the orange?” Now look at them run.”

However maybe this is fitting for a first post. Maybe this sums me up as well as this site. Because the longer you get to know me, then the more intrigued you become and more layers you begin to unravel until you find the real me… maybe. I feel the same will be for this site. The first impression may not be all bells and whistles, but, read on long enough and you’ll be surprised and some of it may resonate with you…