Things Just Aren’t The Same

“I swear that disappeared when I was a kid,” Justin said over a glass of the cold amber nectar. “And you’re how old?”

I take a sip from my own glass, its shape and logo branded by San Miguel. “Twenty-nine.”

“No way, mate.” Justin shook his head. “That stopped when I was about eight.”

This time was my time to shake my head. “I distinctly remember sitting there in the morning looking at it and waiting for it to go away so that I could watch the early morning TV. Like Playdays and the stuff.”

“Nah, nah, nah. That disappeared when I was a kid.”

I dug my heels in and adamantly glared back. “No way, I remember it.”

“No, you remember seeing a program about it. I remember putting 50p’s in the TV and seeing it.”

Di looked at her phone, “Ok Google,” she said. “When did the girl and with the clown disappear from the TV?” her phone bleeped at her. “It says here that it disappeared in 1997.”

“So I’m right,” I said exultantly.

Although, this memory caused a semi-heated debate that spread to other people, and several google searches later, I was still found to be right by the many wikipedia sources that all said that BBC went 24 hour in 1997. The Test Card disappeared in 1997. The main point of it all was that it gave me a lot to think about.

Although I am twenty-nine there is so much that has changed and going to University a decade later than I should have, has made it all the more apparent. Microsoft have even leaped on this with their advertisement for Windows 10, going on about the different things that the children of today will never have to do. Listening to that, I felt like I had to add a few more things.

Children of today will never have to listen to the dial up tone that I remember my Dad having to bear whilst waiting for the basic C++ software to handle the very first edition of Windows Explorer. They will never see 20 Benson and Hedges Gold selling at the paltry price of £1.80. Mobile phones that you could barely fit in your pocket. Not because it is the size of the Iphone 6. But because it was so thick and could barely handle calls or text and the most powerful game it could handle wasn’t The Simpsons Tapped Out but Snake.

The funny thing is, people complain about the size of phones today, however E-cigarettes are the same size as the phones of old (to no complaint by the user.) In addition, phones of today are rapidly getting bigger and bigger. Maybe we’ll see a retro revamp of the first mobile phone equipped with HD TV???

Never Kid a Kidder

(Slugline Challenge set by Kirsty)

Like riding a bike, you never forget how to tell a convincing lie once you learn. I would almost go so far to say that it is the true form of human nature, because truth is such a fragile creature. Want to know more? Well young pup, take a seat and I’ll try and explain.

Now the main question that has to be answered is ‘What is Truth?”

I hear the more logical thinkers out there claim that truth is something based in fact. Right? Or something that can be corroborated by evidence. However, truth can be subverted, and this is the key fact, hence why it is such a fragile thing. Why? Because truth is based on humanity, and humans are very fallible beings and they will lie for numerous reasons. For instance, personal gain, to protect someone (or self), deceive someone (or self) or to make someone just leave something alone.

Once you learn that basic… err… truth about truth. The rest is easy. The best way to lie is to take the truth and subvert it, because then you are taking elements of the truth and the hearer finds it more believable because it tallies up more with their version of events, or what they’ve heard or what they suspect to be feasible. If you try to clutch something out of thin air, the person that you’re trying to lie to will see the holes in your ‘story’. Their own mind will pick at it and gnaw away at it until it falls apart as the fabrication that it is. However, mix a bit of truth in there… Everything seems a lot tighter, there’s less gaps, less loose strands to tie up, because the truth does some of the work for you.

Lost, ok, take a court proceeding. The prosecutor and defendant take the pieces of the events, the hows, whats, whys, etc. The evidence that builds there case to try and sway the jury to see things from their side of things. We have a domestic dispute that has gone traditionally Agatha Christie and the poor wife has ended up in a pool of her own blood and the husband isn’t much better off and he’s in a crumpled heap, holding the corpse of his loved one. Now you reading this have already formed your own opinion of what went down.

So the prosecutor takes the stand. He tells you, the jury, that the husband was a man that liked his booze and would often be drunk on a Friday. That, he had been drinking that evening. That three people saw the events that took place and that their testimony plus the evidence should leave them in no doubt of his guilt. However what they don’t tell you is that not all the evidence points conclusively to his guilt and that the CPS is paying him handsomely if he wins this case.

Then the defence takes the stand and implores you to see this for the tragic accident that it was. Yes, the husband had had a couple, however so had the wife. He has evidence proving it as well. It was an argument that got out of hand, words, fists and then a knife got in the mix. It was tragic. A man has lost a woman he loved dearly. Not only that, but this accident has also robbed a boy of his mother. Could they honestly imprison his only other parent over something that was truly a horrible accident? What they don’t say? Is that they have next to nothing to back up their words. Their defence is circumstancial and is imploring to their emotional side to stop the convicting their client… because they get paid more if the husband is cleared or has a reduced sentence.

The witnesses take the stand. The first is the wife’s friend John. He was in the other room and happened to walk in at the point that they were struggling over the knife. He saw it plunge into the wife. He said that the husband was out of control, enraged. However, what he doesn’t say is that he was madly in love with the wife and was immensely jealous of the husband. Not only that, but he had said the bullshit that had started the fight and was walking in to see the fruit of his labour.

The second witness is the defendant’s mother. She was in the kitchen the whole time, preparing food. She was talking to the husband about this and that and the village rumours and then the wife came in and flew completely off the handle. The wife was always a little insecure and unhinged don’t you know. Came in accusing this and that then started hurling things. Drew a knife and then went for him. He tried to calm her, then wrestle it from her grasp. They fell and next then they know. She cries at this point. The wife was dying, apologising for being so silly… What she doesn’t say? It’s fairly obvious here… IT’S HER SON!!!!! She’s not going to allow him to be condemned. What’s more, she probably ignored most of it because when we’re caught in the same room as a domestic dispute. the last thing we want to be is there, nor do we want to seem like we are listening just in case we get hauled into it…

The third, was someone who heard the commotion and came to help. They heard her shouts, then his, then the cries for help. The truth here? They weren’t entirely sure of what they heard and when they came to investigate they saw her on the floor, him over the body and assumed. Was asked by the police what happened and saw their fifteen minutes.

NOW! You the jury, have heard all this. Seen the bloody knife, the clothing, the pictures of the state of the kitchen… Do you condemn or save him?

Want to know what happened?

She was accusing him of cheating. He was defending himself by arguing back because he was innocent, because John was shit stirring. They were both a little tipsy, but things got out of hand. Plates got thrown. Then when she ran out, she drew a knife and went for him. He tried to get it out of her hand and calm her down. She had slipped on some cucumber that had spilled onto the floor from the mother’s food preparation and caught the husband off guard and they both fell. The knife, sadly, went into her.

So…

Did you just condemn an innocent man?

Thing is, through out all of that, the truth was lost. All were using elements of the truth, but the truth itself, was lost. Some of those statements were more believable than others. Some may have swayed you more than others. Because they seemed closer to the truth than the others.

Now apply that to everyday. Because no one needs training in how to lie. You do it everyday. Someone asks you how you are.

You reply “I’m OK.”

Now whether it’s to your gain that they think that.

Or maybe you’re protecting someone.. or yourself…

Or maybe you just want them to leave the subject alone…

I can more or less guarantee that you’re not and that you are something else entirely… you just don’t want them to know.

Change

“Oi, shove up will you? You’re hogging the bench!”

I look up to see that I’m being accosted by a kid that couldn’t be more than seven, dressed in a jeans, t-shirt and cap. I raise my eyebrows as I shift along the bench to free up more room for him to sit down.

“We used to have respect for our elders,” I said. “or get a clip around our ear ‘ole.”

The kid laughs as he hauls out the latest Samsung phone and starts scrolling through twitter to add his own tweet. “Sat next to old twat on bench. FML.” followed by someone’s quick response of “Is it Jimmy Saville’s ghost? Better run!”

I edge further away, widening the gap. “Yup,” I said. “Back in my day not only did we respect our elders, we actually lived our lives, rather than reading about other peoples… We didn’t have our own phone until we were in our teens and it was a brick with a stupid looking antenna that was both annoying to hold as well as keep in your pocket. Plus, it could barely handle a game called snake let alone the internet. And the internet made this irritating screeching kind of whirr as it had to actually dial rather than everything being WIFI… ”

The kid rolled his eyes, but I continued regardless.

“Back then, kids were playing in the street, playing things like curb ball, rather than standing on shop corners. We used to go out to see things like balloon festivals, about a hundred hot air balloons all decorated different colours, the one shaped like an electric pylon would always end up puncturing near the start of the race.

“Cricket used to be a family day out. You laugh, but the fathers, and the sons if they were old enough, would be out in the middle and families would be around the edge of the pitch, cheering and talking amongst themselves. They’d bring picnics as well. Now they’re closing down left and right so that the council can build more residential housing

“Family values actually used to mean something back then, you know? Shops used to close early on a Sunday so that the family could be together for Sunday roast. Nowadays, it’s a struggle to even keep Christmas Day sacred. We’re also massive alcoholics today, ok we were then too, but there was some corporate control. There were strict hours that alcohol could be sold, not to mention that the pubs themselves were only open for 3 hours on a Sunday. now they don’t seem to close unless there’s been a drug bust.

“So much has changed, mostly for the better I’ll admit but, I can’t help but think that we’ve lost something along the way…”

“Shit man,” the kid said. “Just how old are you?”

I looked at him, square in the eyes with my most serious expression and replied. “twenty-nine…”

Taste

“You wait till ya hear i’ ma’e. Blinding track. Not like tha’ shit you listen to, eh!”

I’ve never considered myself to be that great with music. In fact, I’d say that I’m almost certifiably tone deaf. However, I do enjoy a wide range of music, the scope of which begins in some of the darkest clutches of Rock, moves through the various genres soaking up the historical culture of classical along the way and finish in the upbeat synth tracks of dance and the like. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember, a reflection, if you will, of my view of my social standing.

“You jus’ wait mate. There’s beats, there’s rhythm….”

Growing up, I was always the outcast. One week I’d be tolerated or acceptable amongst one group and then a week or two later I’d move onto the next. Back then, I’d always be vehemently against anything that wasn’t U2, Pink Flloyd or Led Zepplin, parroting my father in his mantra of “the majority of modern day music is shit”. However, I did seem to glean something from those days because now, when I hear a track like the logical song (the ‘crappy’ scooter song not the one by Slade I think it is?) I get a twinge of, “I was in a warehouse spraying strips of metal that would later become army barracks with paint” nostalgia. Or Chop Suey (the track by System of a Down not the food) and be transported back to my first trip to the Dungeon nightclub or sitting in my best mates loft getting passively stoned wihile playing burnout 3 takedown. (Which later got lost in the boot of my Corsa, I questioned several people for several years as to its whereabouts only to find it about two years after losing it, seriously water damaged, under my spare tyre…) In addition, the more acceptable (In Dad’s eyes) Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, that one summer’s afternoon, in the common room of Peter Symonds College, brought together every social group going. When it got to that point in the track, and everyone knows which part, it set every head, be it towny, goth, chav, nerdy and god knows what other, banging. A feat that not many artists can claim.

“It’s a beast ma’e. Blow. Your. Mind! You see if it don'”

So I’m sat next to this guy, waiting for this monumental track which, by the sounds of it =, will sum up 2015 if not the whole of this millennia to date! Is it a rendition of Mozart similar to the class that Vanessa-Mae has done? Or the brilliant merging of past and present that The Piano Guys seem to do with such ease and elegance? Or is some other mastery of which I was not aware? I couldn’t wait. My breath was baited.

“‘ere we go! Class ma’e, just class!”

Out of his mobile phone, came this tinny, fast paced warble with garbled words that seemed to be set in a continual loop. It sounded pretty close to what it probably was. Something that a person high on crack or some other illegal substance produced after they worked out how to turn on a PC…

“Wha’ did I tell ya, eh? Class, ma’e, don’ you think?”

I looked at his expectant expression and returned a pained smile.